walk with me
— indefatigable
explore:
〞
better is the sinner ... who hath thoughts about God,
than the saint ... who hath only the show ... of sanctity.
– Shaykh Sa'adi Shirazi
Sadness and rage
hold a kind of charm
like nothing can go wrong
if I'm creating the worst
outcome
and the thought persists
that the thing that would
destroy me is actually...
Hope.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
it's ridiculous
in a world of
Volatility
Uncertainty
Complexity
Ambiguity
what does it even mean to dream?
Isn't it just some kind of egoism? egotism? myopic machinations?
- Connection
- Safety
- Pleasure
- Creativity
- Movement
Perhaps it is silly to dream, but if I let my heart express it, here's what it wants...
FEAR
deconstructs my dreams
even before I can
erect them
I am desperate to unleash...
〞
Look what happens with a love like that; it lights the whole sky.
– Hafiz
in my shame lies my power
Failure
I've been in half-a-dozen failed startups. I've lost more money than I'd like to admit. I don't own a vehicle. I take the subway and ride a bike.
1.
Harm
I'm a victim of abuse and I've harmed others. I am still subject to oppressive forces beyond my direct control. I am vulnerable.
2.
Deceit
I'd love to hide my manipulation, my overpromising, my procrastination, my ignorance, my lack of organization.
3.
truth
holds power
and love is in the letting go
we imagine interdependence
and transparency
and vibrance
and accountability
and safety
we imagine love
〞
Reality includes creating every real connection and reference.
– Douglas Hofstadter
the reality is that love is everywhere, all around us.
Life is not my enemy
instead, it is doing everything to support my continued existence, has already done everything it can to make it possible to breathe, feel, and trust.
I'm home with my eyes closed and my hands gripping each other. I can't feel the earth, I can't dip the fruit to my tongue. I can't hold and be held. I can't shake these feelings of doom and disaster unless...
I let go and love. I love and the thorn pricks. I love and stub my toe. I love and live and heal and sigh and cry. I love and scream. I love and the earth supports me, all 202 pounds.
the reality is i'm home
〞
I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge.
– Viktor Frankl
Committment
is terrifying.
What if I don't get the results I want? What if I look foolish? What if they talk crap about me? What if I waste my time?
What if I discover I'm not as smart as I think I am!!!???
DO THIS
- Daydream
- Journal/Music/Make things
- 5 min sitting doing nothing
- Call/text friends
- Organize your time
- Go outside
(even if you're an ethnic minority and it's dangerous)
AVOID THIS
- Doomscrolling
- Unmitigated gossip
- More than 2 hrs of TV
- Unmitigated paranoia
- Stressed rushing
- Self Loathing
I am not a guru or model anything, there are still things I can do with my time that show the gratitude I have for the earth, air, water, and fiery sun. For the people around me made from the same magical stuff.
When they look at me puzzled or scared because I'm different, or when they menace me with weaponry, or when they avoid my gaze without knowing a single one of my stories, I will choose to see their starshine.